Most of us have grown up with the notion of falling in love with our Mr Right, thanks to those Mills & Boons copies that we have grown up reading. So we make him up to be the perfect mix of brawn and brains or a tall, dark and handsome guy who can make us go weak in our knees.
But most of the time, surprisingly, we often lose our heart to someone who is a far cry from our image of Mr Right. Wonder why? Here’s the reason: According to anthropologist Dr Helen Fisher, a Rutgers University professor and author of the book, Why Him? Why her? Finding real love by understanding your personality type, there are specific reasons why we fall in love with certain people.
What’s your personality type?
Dr Fisher coined four broad personality types - explorer, builder, director and negotiator - on the basis of the interplay of various neurochemicals like dopamine, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen in our brain.
Explorers have more dopamine and are usually creative, enthusiastic, optimistic, risk-takers and seek novelty. However, when they are in a relationship, in a bid to attract and impress the opposite sex, they tend to go too fast.
Builders are dominated by serotonin that makes them calm, social, cautious and traditional with excellent networking skills. They tend to stick to certain rules while dating and always want to flaunt their love interests to their friends.
True to their name, directors have more of testosterone and are direct, ambitious, and competitive and simply love music. They tend to make up their minds too fast and can often have razor sharp tongues. The negotiators are dominated by estrogen and are compassionate, verbal, imaginative and clairvoyant. Since they are so kind and compassionate, they are often misconstrued as doormats.
Opposites attract?
Opposites attract. This has been the famous notion that has underlined the love lives of many people. But is there any truth to it? Well, it’s partially true. While explorers and builders tend to be drawn to people like themselves, directors are attracted to negotiators and vice versa. The perfect mix of testosterone and estrogen helps individuals strike a balance in their relationships.
College student Shamika Dharamshi says, “I think the interplay of neurochemicals does play a vital part in our choices unconsciously. I am more of an explorer and I tend to get attracted to people like me. I would dread being in a relationship with a person who has a personality type like a director with high testosterone levels.”
Other factors at play
Apart from these chemicals, there are several other factors that determine whom we get attracted to and fall in love with. According to Dr YA Matcheswalla, psychiatrist and professor at Grant Medical College, JJ Hospital, factors like genetics, heredity, environment and Freudian concepts also influence our love choices.
“The chromosomes that we receive from our parents, the external factors that influence our personality and the Freudian concepts that we face in the first six years of our lives influence the choices that we make.” Apart from this, the way a person gets attracted to someone from the opposite sex on the basis of looks, thoughts, compatibility and body language.
Graphic designer Shivani Gupta says, “Whenever I’m dating someone, I look out for compatibility. If I share a good vibe with someone and if he makes me feel comfortable, then it’s quite natural that I’ll get attracted to him. Then, I look at his personality.”
The interplay of neurochemicals and various factors influence our love choices. So, the next time your heart skips a beat when you fall in love, you know what the reason is!
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